if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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