Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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