Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
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I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well