She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.