Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going