i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again