Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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