I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
