She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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