The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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