I think my vagina is haunted
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
