how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I supernannyed him into submission
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
