She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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