Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize