anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
