I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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