new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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