Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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