So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
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