i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
