Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
