false alarm. still invincible.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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