i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
