He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
