I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
