So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
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Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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