I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize