Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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