By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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