They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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