i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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