I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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