Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
