what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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