so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
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This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
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Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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