if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Small penises have feelings too.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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