Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
whose parrot is this?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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