I think I won the penis lottery.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
bring money and cleavage
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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