my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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