he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
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Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
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Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
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