2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize