he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
