So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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