you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
whose ass print is on the piano?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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