Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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