Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.