this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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