Having a random hookup so left but love u
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
