she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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