Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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