he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
