Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
