My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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