my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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