i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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