Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
