Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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