I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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