No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
