Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
