He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
