He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
